


ultraviolet

by restlesslikeme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-16
Updated: 2012-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-02 01:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/restlesslikeme/pseuds/restlesslikeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean starts to have dreams in which he can’t tell them apart- his sun and his stars. He wakes up in a cold sweat and showers in freezing water, is careful to look at both of him from his peripheral vision so as not to be blinded. He can survive, that way. Moreso than he could without them. It hurts, but it’s good. It’s better than being cold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ultraviolet

First there’s Sam.

There’s always been Sam right from the beginning, ever since Dean clutched him in his arms while the heat licked at his cheeks and the smoked burned his lungs. Maybe before that, even. Sam is like the sun - too hot and hard to look at straight on, but necessary if Dean wants to live. The last night they fight, Sam and John, Dean lets the fire he’s been avoiding eat him up completely: shoves Sam up against the wall, tears at his clothes, alternates between whispering pleas and curses into Sam’s skin.

Sam leaves anyway. Dean doesn’t see him for another two years.

When he finds him again, Sam burns hotter than ever. Darker too, though Dean thinks Sam will always shine brightest of the two of them. Dean gets used to the flames that burn at his bones, flames that feel like Sam’s fingers, like Sam’s tongue and teeth on his skin.

Then there’s Castiel.

Castiel is different than Sam. While Sam is shades of red and orange- angry and suffocating, Castiel is white-hot, or maybe just so cold that it scalds. He pulls Dean from the fire, bathes him in starlight that’s dizzying.

Dean starts to have dreams in which he can’t tell them apart- his sun and his stars. He wakes up in a cold sweat and showers in freezing water, is careful to look at both of them from his peripheral vision so as not to be blinded. He can survive, that way. Moreso than he could without them. It hurts, but it’s good. It’s better than being cold.

Castiel leaves the same night that the fire finally takes Sam away for real, sends him into the pit and closes the ground up after him. For the second time in his life Dean is freezing and alone. Heaven and Hell are both brighter than before, and he’s stuck in the dark in the middle.

They should have taken him with them, he thinks.

He should have made them stay, he thinks.

He should have let them burn him up to ash while he had the chance, he thinks.

Dean finds Lisa and Ben. He gets a job. He goes to work. His heart gets colder and colder and his bones get more and more hollow until one night he sleeps and he doesn’t dream of icy blue eyes that scalded or hands that felt fevered against his neck. 

He doesn’t dream at all, anymore.

But he doesn’t forget, either.


End file.
